Thoughts That Illuminate
When Everything Seems to be Going Wrong
A while ago my family had an experience of lice. As I went into combat against the invisible enemy that had
invaded my home I was aware of the terror that flooded my mind. Then it happened. What is “it”? “IT’” is
the multitude of “fear and attack” events that follow after the initial one. Following this one event I then
experienced a potential loss of insurance, neighbors attacking from both sides, seeing unloving behavior in my
relationships, etc.. It felt as if I slipped on a rock by responding to the lice with fear, only to fall head-first
into the abyss of problems. Has “IT” ever happened to you? You’re going along maintaining an inner state of
balance and peace and one event comes along that upsets you. This seems to trigger an avalanche of
subsequent experiences that buries you and darkens your world.
Thankfully, I have learned a thing or two from my Beloved Teacher. Therefore, I had another way to look
at these problems other than getting lost in combat trying to fix each external event. I first noticed the
temptation to believe these ideas and the temptation to act from fear. I acknowledged that the only way to
be at peace again was to address what had transpired in my mind and not in the world. I asked the Holy
Spirit to help me see the error in thinking so I could find my way out of the abyss I had fallen into. The Holy
Spirit impressed upon my mind a very clear message.
“This (seeing a darkened world) is a choice you are making. You think it happens without your consent, that
the world takes over and pushes you into the abyss of problems and fear. Nothing could be further from the
truth. It is a decision you are making in an effort to bring this darkened world into your awareness so you
can once again believe you are separate and in control. “There is no individual you”; this is the most fearful
idea to the ego. Your current experience of needing to fix or control external events is designed by you so
you can reinforce your idea that the world is still under your individual control; not God’s. This is one of the
many games you play to have an experience of separation. Here are the questions you must answer: “What
is it you want to Be? Do you want to continue to pretend to be "Patti’", an individual with control of its world or do
you want to Be who you are; a holy Son at one with Your Father? Each answer comes with its own experiences.”
To further clarify this statement; “each answer comes with its own experiences”, I was given a dream.
In this dream I had moved out of my home (Heaven) and moved into a new home (this world). I was
excited about the move because I felt I would finally be on my own. I walked into the house and was
horrified at what I saw. It was run down, with holes in the wall, no doors or locks and very tiny. The more
I looked around the more I panicked. Where was my nurturing office where I could pursue my purpose?
Where was the open space and quiet? How could I ever feel safe here? You might think I felt remorse at
this point, realizing the error in deciding to leave my home (Heaven) in the first place. But instead I began
stomping around like a two year old, screaming and raging. “This is nothing like my home! I want it to be
just like my old home!!” I did not want to leave this home because here is where I could be independent.
But I did want this new place to give me all the things I had in my old home: peace, safety and purpose.
When I realized I could never have both, I was enraged and began beating on the walls, completely out of
control. This dream showed me that my desire for God was not yet my only desire and taught me to look
without blinders at what the choice for separation really gave me. As I took a good look at my new ‘home’ I
asked myself, “Is it a sacrifice to give this up? Is there really any joy in separating?” (Ref.T.28.IV.10:6) For the first
time, I saw my choices clearly. Choose separation and you choose all the experiences that come with it or
choose God and have the experience of Heaven. This is what you would call a “no-brainer” decision. How
simple is the choice when we can see clearly what we are choosing between!
Our experiences of separation may look different in form but we share the one desire from which they all
stem. The desire to be an individual self separated from our Creator and from each other. If we could see
clearly how this choice of separation fails to give us the safety, happiness, and peace that we long for, then
we would simply make another choice. We can do that right now. Let’s say to the Holy Spirit, “I can see
clearly now. My individual self and all its experiences I do not want.
I choose Heaven.”
Written by: Patti Fields
Edited by: Cheryl Leisner
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